I'm Hadley, And I'm NOT an Alcoholic!
I don’t call myself an alcoholic, and I’m not saying that from a place of denial, embarrassment, or because I’m not ready to accept it. I’m saying that because I don’t have to use any freaking label that doesn’t feel right, authentic, or fitting. End of story. A lot of people don't like it when I say this. *GASP*
Believe it or not, the words "sober" and "alcoholic" don't have to go together. They're not, in fact, a package deal.
You CAN call yourself an alcoholic. You can call yourself sober. You can call yourself one or the other or neither! The whole point is that we get to do this in a way that feels right. There are no rules, despite what anyone might try to tell you.
If a certain label feels good to you, if it empowers you and moves you forward, if it feels like a valid part of your journey, then by all means, USE IT.
If a label feels off and icky, like it's like it's holding you back or stifling you, if it doesn't fit you and your experience, DON'T USE IT.
Not using a label that doesn't feel right does NOT mean you are in denial, it does NOT mean you won't be successful long term, and it does not mean you're doing it wrong. It only means that you're staying true to yourself, and DAMN...we need more of that!
The truth is that not everyone who quits drinking is an alcoholic, even though we’ve been conditioned to think otherwise. People can walk away from drinking at any time, for any reason.
We don’t have to fit any of the stereotypes or preconceived notions about what problematic drinking looks like. We don't have to check all the boxes on an internet quiz or questionnaire. We can just decide we are done ingesting a problematic, toxic, addictive drug. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with us, it means we’re finally doing something really RIGHT!
We’ve been trained to think of alcoholism as a totally binary thing. Either you’re an alcoholic, or you’re fine – you’re “normal”; you don’t have a problem. The switch is either on or off. The only reason you would need to quit is if you’re an alcoholic, right? That’s NOT right at all. In fact, the term “alcoholic” isn’t even a technical diagnosis. It’s a more colloquial term that we’ve come to think of as something official. The actual diagnostic term is Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), and that is incredibly important to understand because AUD occurs on a spectrum ranging from mild to severe. There’s nothing black or white about it. There are a lot of us hanging out in the gray area of that spectrum, and the idea that we have to be labeled alcoholics in order to make a change is part of what stops some people from addressing their relationship with alcohol (Hi, I was one of them!).
It was a life-changing moment when I realized I didn't have to automatically identify as an alcoholic and go to AA to make a change (but if you do, that's awesome too!). Nothing about that felt right to me, so realizing it wasn't the only way was incredibly liberating.
Quitting booze didn't mean anything was wrong with me, and it was nothing to be ashamed of. It meant that I was finally being true to myself and acknowledging that drinking was taking more than it gave. It was no longer serving me, and it was holding me back in important ways.
I’m not any kind of hero for making this choice. In the whole scheme of things, it was pretty simple for me to walk away from drinking. I was fortunate, and I'm very aware of that. It could have gotten so much worse. There are people who have fought addiction for years, are fighting to rebuild their lives, and overcoming incredible challenges to get sober. They ARE heroes, as are all the others in various stages of their struggle with drinking who are fighting to find a different path. I’m just someone who got really freaking tired of feeling unwell and realized that alcohol was the culprit.
My decision to quit was not a reflection of how much or how often I was drinking. I chose to quit simply because I no longer liked the way I felt when I DID drink. It wasn’t serving me, and it was holding me back from becoming my best self.
I chose to share this journey because I want to help break the stigma tied to sobriety AND to show people that you don’t have to be slapped with a label to quit. You can just decide to STOP.
There are lots of amazing stories and books out there by people who have fought that rock bottom fight. They are bold, brave, and badass. Those stories are incredibly important. I wanted to tell the story from a different angle - a social drinker whose habits were considered “normal."
I’d like to suggest that maybe we need a new definition of normal because the old one isn’t doing us any favors.
Even though I wasn’t physically dependent on alcohol, I was still fighting an uphill battle against social pressures and norms, habits, and patterns I built over a lifetime of drinking. It’s not easy to give up something that’s been woven into your social life, personality, traditions, and culture. I might not have faced physical withdrawal or detox, but I certainly faced plenty of other challenges.
At the end of the day, there wasn’t some checklist of alcohol abuse symptoms or criteria I needed to check off in order to stop drinking or for my story to be valid. Drinking was an issue for ME, so I quit, and now I’m sharing my story in case it helps someone else. I wish I had someone who had walked this path ahead of me, telling me it was ok to quit and that life would be even better on the other side!
Let's worry less about the label and more about the outcome - a happy, vibrant life that's free of alcohol.
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