I Quit...
I talk a lot about how magical sobriety is, but how did I actually do it? How did I go from feeling trapped in a cycle of problematic drinking to feeling completely FREE and at peace?
My path started when I woke up filled with certainty that I needed to make a change. I knew down to my bones that it was time. I’d made many half-hearted attempts in years past, but everything about this day felt different. Life and my progressively escalating drinking episodes had been nudging me in this direction for a while, but on August 6, 2021, I knew I was experiencing my last hangover. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and suddenly, all of the excuses I had made for myself in the past seemed ridiculous.
That’s the one thing that was different about this time. I was ready, and that was the magic ingredient.
Being ready is the only prerequisite to changing your relationship with alcohol.
I will share with you here the things that worked for me - the tools from my toolbox that helped me get from point A to point B.
I'm not suggesting that this exact approach will work for anyone else. We each have to forge our own path and find what feels right to us.
You can take whatever you like from my toolkit, and leave behind anything that's not a good fit. There is no perfect path and no right or wrong answers.
Education
The first thing I did was educate myself about alcohol. I read tons of "quit-lit" books and listened to podcasts. I filled my brain with knowledge and stats. I absorbed the success stories of people who had turned their lives around and let them inspire me.
Once you learn about how alcohol affects our bodies and our brains, you can’t UN-know that information. Once you understand the connection between drinking and cancer, breast cancer especially, it’s hard to imagine having a drink ever again.
Knowledge is power, and learning all of the facts and statistics about the damage alcohol does made it much easier for me to walk away.
Reading people's personal experiences with drinking and subsequently quitting was incredibly helpful. That's how I realized I wasn't alone, I wasn't the first to experience these feelings, and that I had a beautiful and fulfilling life waiting on the other side.
Here are a few of my favorite books if you're looking for a place to start:
Quit Like a Woman, by Holly Whitaker
We Are the Luckiest, by Laura McKowen
This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace
Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, by Ann Dowsett Johnston
Intoxicating Lies, by Meg Geisewite
Unbottled Potential, by Amanda Kuda
The Sober Diaries, by Clare Pooley
How to Eat to Change How You Drink, by Brooke Scheller
Of course, I ultimately ended up writing my OWN quit lit book, because I didn't quite see my story reflected in the books that were available at the time. I'd love for you to check out
The Dirty Truth on Social Drinking: "Everything in Moderation" and Other BS. I think it's another good option if you're just starting to consider your relationship with alcohol.
Podcasts to check out:
Huberman Lab Podcast, episode #86, Alcohol and Your Health
Sober Powered
Through the Glass Recovery
The Weekend Sober
The Sober Mom Life
Confident Sober Women
Sober Motivation
The Sober Rebel
Support
I told a few key family members and friends what I was doing. Telling them held me accountable and made it feel more real. Having support from loved ones, even though I wasn't ready to tell the world, was really helpful early on.
Telling people allowed me to practice advocating for myself and to begin thinking about the boundaries I would need to create in order to be successful.
I also plugged myself into the sobriety community on Instagram and found people I related to. I started building connections and making virtual sober buddies whom I’m still close with. This was incredibly helpful because most of my friends, while supportive, were still drinkers, and they didn't understand what I was going through. Sober Instagram is supportive, uplifting, and beautiful. I feel honored to be a part of it.
There are also lots of fantastic more formal support communities available. A few that I hear great things about are:
The Luckiest Club
Sober Sis
Sober Mom Life Cafe
There are lots more like these that you're sure to stumble across as you scroll through Instagram.
Self-Care
As I first eliminated alcohol and was adapting to life without it as a crutch, I realized I needed to take care of myself aggressively. I honored my body, treated myself with kid gloves, and gave myself lots of grace. Self-care looks a little different for all of us, but for me, it involved:
Lots of extra sleep
Exercise and long walks outside
Alone time
Journaling
Reading books in my favorite chair
Movie nights with my boys
Epsom salt baths
My favorite foods
Finding a good doctor to help address some complicated health issues
Part of learning how to live life without booze is learning what our bodies really need and honoring them. When we're stressed, tired, angry, sad...we're used to pouring a big glass of wine. That doesn't actually help, so we have to figure out what does. That means putting ourselves first, and that's not always easy.
The Reframe App
Another helpful tool was a sobriety app that provided resources and opportunities for connection. It was a huge help as I encountered each new challenge and milestone. The app I originally used no longer exists, but I am thrilled to have replaced it with the Reframe App, which has even more support features.
The app offers things like daily tasks to keep you focused on your goals and ways to track your progress. There are virtual meetings, toolkits for handling different scenarios, a forum for communicating with others, success stories from others, and more.
If you're interested in trying the app for yourself, I'm excited to be able to offer a special deal for a free week and 25% off the annual subscription:
There is no right way to recover!
I was fortunate. I didn’t have to detox, go through withdrawal, or require medical intervention. Please seek professional help if you even suspect you might.
I did no "traditional" recovery programs. Those approaches are 150% valid and help many people, but they weren’t for me. They aren’t the only way to be successful.
There are countless options out there, and I encourage you to ask for help and find something that works for you. No form of recovery is more valid than another. We’re all different people with unique issues, backgrounds, and personalities. There is no cookie-cutter approach to sobriety, so never let someone tell you there is.
Sometimes, it takes more than one try, and sometimes, it takes more than one approach. The important thing is to keep trying. We only fail if we give up!
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