New Years Resolutions & Dry Jan
I’ve always been obnoxious about my New Year's Resolutions. I don’t often talk about them publicly, but I tend to set aggressive and overly ambitious goals for myself. It's an only-child, type-A, overachiever thing...
Of course, like so many of us, I often make resolutions that I have no chance of being successful with. I unknowingly set myself up for failure.
If there was a common theme to my resolutions over the years, it was drinking. I wish I had a count of how many times I vowed to change my drinking in the new year. If I had to guess, it was probably at least 10 times.
I would set vague goals like:
I’m going to drink less this year
I’ll cut back
No more blackouts
Sometimes, after a particularly rough NYE, I might even say the famous words, “I’m never drinking again.” I had no plan, no specific criteria to gauge my success against these goals, and, if I’m being honest, I also had no real intention of following through.
It felt necessary to include something about drinking in my resolutions because I knew my drinking was problematic, and I never felt good about it. It also seemed like the obvious resolution choice because I often kicked off January 1st with a debilitating hangover and a heaping dose of shame, regret, and self-loathing.
New Year's Eve is, of course, one of those holidays that is very closely associated with drinking. I’ve spent NYE in New York City, Vegas, Paris, and the Caribbean, along with lots of parties at home or friends’ houses. For almost all of those, until three years ago, I was wasted.
Many of my worst blackouts and drinking memories happened on December 31st.
I would, as usual, go into the evening, promising myself I would behave and stay in control.
It rarely worked out that way. I would wake up on January 1st feeling shaky, miserable, and depressed. Devastated that I once again broken a promise to myself and was ruining the fresh start provided by the new year. It’s an icky feeling, spending that day stewing in shame and wondering why you can’t keep things in check.
I would swear that the next year would be different. I’d set those resolutions, recover from my hangover, and turn my nose up at booze for a week or two. New Year, New ME, right? I would eat kale and quinoa and embrace the “my body is a temple” mentality.
After some time had passed, life would slowly return to normal. The holidays would fade away, along with memories of my Jan 1st hangover. The calendar would fill up, and I would start looking ahead to all of the events that would “require” me to drink. A Friday would roll around, and I would convince myself that a glass of wine was totally reasonable. After all, I had taken a nice long break. Things would be totally different this time.
Before I knew it, I had slipped right back into the same old pattern, that resolution becoming a thing of the past. Nothing changed, and I would end up in the exact same situation when the next holiday season rolled around. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. It was the very definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
I wasn't ready...
The problem was that I knew something wasn’t right, but I simply wasn’t ready to fully address my relationship with alcohol. I was still convinced that it was necessary and important, and I wasn’t willing to truly consider life without it. I set these vague resolutions because I felt like I should, but I wasn’t ready to follow through. I still held onto the delusion that ONE DAY…moderation was going to work. One year, I would take a break and then magically become a “normal,” responsible, moderate drinker. Of course… now I think the idea of a “normal” drinker is about as realistic as Santa.
I was also convinced that because I wasn’t “that bad,” I didn’t have many options. Only a raging alcoholic would have to quit drinking totally, right? My drinking didn’t qualify me for sobriety, did it? I drank the same way everyone around me did. I could often keep things in check. I wasn’t always a trainwreck.
I was confused and didn’t know what to think. I operated under the assumption that there are only two categories of people – either you’re an alcoholic or you’re normal. That’s how we’ve been conditioned to think of problematic drinking. No one had ever explained to me that Alcohol Use Disorder, in fact, occurs on a spectrum ranging from mild to severe. I was definitely somewhere in the grey area of that spectrum and had no idea how much eliminating alcohol would improve my life. I didn’t need to be labeled an alcoholic in order to address my issues.
Fast forward to now, my third holiday season since embracing sobriety with open arms, and I can look back on those New Year’s resolutions and give myself grace. I had a lot to learn, and it all happened when it was supposed to happen.
From this new vantage point, I can offer some words of wisdom if you find yourself on this same annual hamster wheel of New Year’s resolutions, EVEN if you know you’re not ready to consider giving up alcohol for good. My advice is to get curious, aggressively so. Don’t just stick your head in the sand and ignore how you feel about your drinking. Think about it, maybe journal about it, and keep track of how you feel – before, during, and after you drink.
Dry January is, in my opinion, a great experiment to start with. At the end of the day, any time you take a break from drinking, your mind and body are going to thank you. If you’re considering taking the month off, there really isn’t a downside. I suggest going into it with a plan, though, to set yourself up for success.
Don’t just muddle your way through the month. Really use the time to explore your relationship with alcohol and think about how the break makes you feel.
Ask yourself these questions as you consider your mindful break from drinking:
1. What jobs do I count on alcohol to do for me – stress relief, relaxation, escape, etc.?
2. How do I typically feel about myself after I drink?
3. What does alcohol add to my life, and what does it detract?
4. What are my biggest fears about eliminating alcohol?
5. Do I feel in control of my drinking, or do I struggle to keep things in check?
The list could go on, but the point is… the goal for January isn’t just NOT to DRINK. The goal is not to drink AND to think about whether you really need alcohol (hint - that's a trick question!). The goal is to figure out if drinking is having a negative impact on your life, and if so, what you want to do about it.
I strongly suggest you embark on Dry January with a friend OR find some other type of support. There are lots of great apps that can be an enormous help. I use the Reframe App, and I highly recommend it.
You can set goals, get support, read success stories, and tap into countless tools and resources they offer.
They’re even hosting a Dry and Damp January challenge through the app.
If you want to try the app for free and sign up for one of the Jan challenges (Dry OR Damp), you can do so from this link:
Even if you’re not interested in Dry January but want to set a specific resolution around reducing your alcohol intake, the app is a great tool for that. You can set goals, track your progress, etc.
I also suggest you spend some time educating and inspiring yourself. Read books about alcohol, listen to podcasts, etc. In my previous blog post, I Quit, I listed my favorite Quit Lit books and podcasts to listen to. It can be incredibly eye-opening and impactful to hear other people’s stories and experiences. Learning some of the science behind alcohol and what it does to our bodies and brains is helpful too.
Finally, don’t expect perfection or beat yourself up if your month doesn’t go perfectly. A slip is NOT a reason to give up on the experiment altogether, just like you wouldn’t throw in the towel on a new workout regimen just because you missed a day. Give yourself grace and view this as a learning opportunity.
Your only goal is to objectively assess your relationship with alcohol and discover how you feel after taking a break. The next step can be deciding whether you need or want to make a bigger, more permanent change. Don’t worry about forever, though. Just focus on the day in front of you and make the next right choice.
I can’t go back and undo any of those dreadful New Year’s Day hangovers and make better choices for my past resolutions, but I can share my experience with the world, hoping that it might reach someone else who feels trapped in that same cycle.
I’ll still make resolutions this year, but they will be much gentler and more achievable. They are about being kind to myself and celebrating my wins. They’re about learning and growing, not checking boxes and beating myself up if I don’t. I won’t spend any time stressing over them. I plan to ease into the new year with an open heart and open mind, excited for what’s to come.
I’m forever grateful that you all are part of this journey.
Happy Holidays, and much love.
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