The Summer Drinking Dilemma
Is it possible to change your drinking with summer on the horizon?
If you’re thinking you might need to change your relationship with alcohol, but the idea of doing it right before summer feels impossible, ridiculous, or terrifying, then pull up a chair. I get it. I understand how daunting the idea of a sober summer sounds.
The old me didn’t think that not drinking over the summer was even an option worth considering. Just NO – it couldn’t be done. Must keep drinking through the summer months….it’s mandatory.
We spend our summers at our lake house, for crying out loud. The lake, sunshine, boating, relaxing - - it’s all synonymous with drinking.
We have friends flitting in and out all summer. We have holidays and birthdays to celebrate and hot days to float our way through with a cocktail in hand. The thought of doing all of that without booze sounded like the worst kind of punishment. I thought it would ruin the lake house magic and make it dull and boring. Way to suck the fun out of summer, right?
In August of 2021 when I woke up with my last hangover and decided that enough was enough, I finally realized that the freaking season didn’t matter. If I kept saying that I had to drink during summer, then what I was really saying was that I couldn’t ever make a change, because NEWSFLASH – summer rolls around once a year. If I kept believing that booze was what made summer special, or holidays, or special occasions … then how was I going to learn how to have fun and enjoy myself without it?
I wasn’t. I was going to stay right where I was.
There will always be something that we think we HAVE to drink for. Whether it’s summer nights on the patio or at the beach, a wedding, a trip, whatever. I’m here to tell you it’s BS. If you keep telling yourself that you have to drink during summer, then you’re keeping yourself stuck. You’re perpetuating the idea that you NEED booze to enjoy yourself and have fun. You don’t. But you do have to open your mind and your heart and put in a little work to re-learn what fun looks like. You have to detox yourself from the idea that summer drinking is mandatory and a sober summer is BLAHHH. We’ve been pumped full of boozy lies since we were old enough to walk and talk, so we have a little reconditioning to do.
I have since realized that sober summers at the lake (or anywhere else) are so much more enjoyable than the alternative. They’re crisp, clear, joyful, and FUN.
I feel healthy and clear-headed. I feel capable of handling any emergencies that might arise, and I enjoy the quality time with my kids.
Now I can look back and realize that it was really drinking Hadley who was missing out – NOT sober Hadley. I was going through the motions, foggy and tired, never quite feeling 100%. Now my summers feel like they’re playing in IMAX.
This isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a privilege.
Summer is more magical, not less … but I wouldn’t have believed it either, so it’s okay if you’re skeptical.
Here’s the thing: if you think you need to change your relationship with alcohol (and if you’re thinking it, then you probably do), then you’re going to have to get used to navigating life without drinking. Waiting until after summer won’t feel easier. It will, in fact, feel harder. And surprise – right after summer comes back-to-school and the holiday season. You’ll have the same concerns about those times of year.
There’s always something. It’s a cycle that will just keep going and going until you choose to stop it. It’s pretty freaking cool that you get to be the architect of your own life remodel. The demo might be a little messy, but the finished product will be SO worth it.
Contrary to popular belief, summer is the perfect time to make a change. You can keep yourself busy and entertained, enjoy the sunshine with the people you love, rest, relax, recharge, and focus on the self-care you need.
By the fall, you could be living a completely different life that feels like the one you’ve been chasing all along. You’ll be able to look in the mirror and feel so damn proud that you stopped putting it off.
But okay, how do I do it? That’s what you want to know, right?
There is no magic formula, but I’ll share some of the tools that worked for me as I approached my first sober summer. As usual, take what you want and leave the rest. There is no right way to do this. Never let anyone tell you there is.
Also, as a disclaimer, I don’t talk about AA because it’s not part of my journey, and it’s the one option that doesn’t need any publicity because everyone knows about it. If you think it’s something that would be a good fit for you, PLEASE, find a meeting and dig in. Or ask me and I can hook you up with someone who can give you the scoop on all things 12-step.
Here are a few summer tips to consider:
Plan Ahead
If your summer social calendar is busy and full, look ahead and think about how you want to handle each event or gathering. Do you want to bring your own alcohol-free drinks? Do you need an early escape plan? Do you want to tell anyone in advance or practice how you’ll tell people you aren’t drinking? I promise – it won’t be as big of a deal as you think it will be.
The point here is to set yourself up for success.
Don’t fly by the seat of your pants and end up at a wild 4th of July party where everyone is drowning in Jello shots without having made a plan for what your night is going to look like. Be prepared, and keep your goals in mind.
In those moments where you are triggered, facing cravings, or feeling pissed that you can’t/won’t drink, remember to play the tape forward and think about how amazing and proud you’ll feel the next day.
Finally, are there certain events that are just too booze-centric that you think you might want to skip, at least for this first year? If you need to bow out of something, DON’T STRESS. It’s not the end of your social life. It will be worth it in the long run to protect this very important choice you’ve made for yourself. You might even find that you like spending your time on different things and with different people once you’re no longer drinking. Be patient with yourself as you figure it all out – it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Find a Community
One way or another, find someone to tell and ask for their support. Whether it’s your spouse, your best friend, a 12-step program if that’s your jam, or a sober influencer on Instagram.
Saying the words out loud helps, and having a support system behind you is critical. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable talking to, there are lots of options online. There are quite a few virtual sobriety communities I can recommend that people love and have great success with. Here are just a few that I know of:
The Luckiest Club
The Sober Mom Life Café
Sober Sis
Lighthouse Sobriety
Sober Mom Squad
I also LOVE The Reframe app as an option in this space. It’s a great choice if you’re just beginning to address your relationship with alcohol and you aren’t sure where to start or what kind of support you need. It’s very easy to take at your own pace without any pressure. Just you getting to explore and learn – either completely on your own OR with others, depending on what you prefer.
You can try it for free and experience a wide range of resources – meetings, a chat forum, courses, readings, meditations, daily tasks, monthly challenges, and so much more. It’s hard to beat!
Here is a link if you want to give it a try for 2 weeks FREE.
Finally, I won’t do a deep dive here, but I will refer you back to my previous blog post, I QUIT.
In it, I talk about all of the tools I used to help me quit, including self-care and education, which I didn't specifically mention here, but both are critically important. I also list my favorite books, podcasts, and other resources you might find useful.
Of course, I have to include a plug for my new book, The Dirty Truth on Social Drinking: “Everything in Moderation” and Other BS.
It’s a book that will meet you right where you are—stuck in the no man's land, somewhere between moderate social drinking and "I don't really have a problem, do I?"
It's a book that gives you permission to think and talk about your drinking in a different way - without shame, stigma, or judgment. Great summer reading, if I do say so myself!
Facing your first summer without drinking might sound like some kind of twisted punishment, but I promise, you’ll look back and realize it was a gift. Change can be scary and messy, but it can also be beautiful and life-affirming.
I encourage you to listen to your intuition if it’s telling you that a change is necessary. Rip off the band-aid and dig in.
The summer is a great time to experience the kind of rebirth that comes from breaking free of alcohol!!
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